Flint Knits

You know how some people are just good to knit for?

Well, maybe we should address first those people who aren’t. Those people who get a handmade gift and set it aside or stuff it in a drawer; who don’t recognize the love and labor that went into it. Or who grumble that it’s not as good — as perfectly symmetrical or as neatly pressed or as easily washable — as a machine-made store-bought version.

Fuck those people. Never make them anything else, ever again. They do not deserve it.

But then there’s the people who not only (1) recognize what it takes (the expense, the thoughtfulness, the hours of your labor creating hundreds of tiny stitches, or seams, or bits of glued macaroni) to make and share handmade gifts, but also (2) really, really appreciate it. Those are the people you just want to keep giving stuff to.

Do it. They deserve it.

Years ago, my fabulous friend Michelle was so excited when I made her a simple garter-stitch scarf that she blurted out, “Oh my god it looks like you got it at K-Mart!” Which was her hilarious way of saying that she was impressed. Okay, maybe you have to know Michelle to understand how that’s a compliment — she’s kind of a weirdo. But the point is that, since then, I’ve made her a bunch of stuff, and will continue to make her bunches of stuff until she tells me to knock it off. Because she’s just one of those people that it’s a joy to make stuff for.

And so is my brother-in-law, Nate. Two years ago, I made him a colorwork hat with a secret Star Wars-themed lining and, when I gave it to him, I swear to freaking Yoda that he was so jazzed that he teared up a little. And then wore it around the house all day. Seriously, dude? That wins you handknits for LIFE. So the following year, I gave him a photograph for Christmas.

This is hockey legend George Hay, who played Detroit hockey in the 1920s and 30s. He played for the Cougars before they became the Falcons, and the Falcons before they became the Red Wings. And — the important part for me — he and his teammates wore some seriously badass sweaters.

14 months later, I mailed this to Nate in Denver.

pattern: Seamless Hybrid, from Elizabeth Zimmermann’s Knitting Without Tears
yarn: Louet Riverstone (from Hello Yarn), and Cascade 220
[raveled]

There’s not much I can say about the simplicity or perfectness of Zimmermann’s pattern that hasn’t already been said by Caro or Jared or — in a post that might make you cry — JulieFrick. I just added some stripes and block letters into the mix.

The Wings are headed to Denver soon to play the Avalanche. And Nate will be at the game wearing his sweater, even if, when it shows up at his door tomorrow, it turns out to be 3 sizes too big or too small, or the wool makes him break out in an itchy rash, or Mail Moths from outer space gnawed it to pieces in transit. Because that’s just the kind of dude he is. And why there’s loads of handmade prezzies in his future.

NOTE: Big, big thanks to Julia and Adrian for sharing their dye-setting wisdom — they two formed a thin woolly line between Nate and a blotchy pink sweater.

ANOTHER NOTE: ATTN: NATE! HAND WASH! COLD WATER! LAY FLAT TO DRY!

 I’m 30 today!

pattern: Quick Cupcake, by Hannah Kaminsky
yarn: scraps, plus white puffy paint
Ravelry link

If you want to give a gift? Tell everyone you know to go vote in the Kaboodle spring dress contest — I’m being overtaken by a high school girl in a Wet Seal tunic! Not cool.

Wow, thanks everyone for all the kind and generous responses to my whinging. I’m all touched and stuff!

Things are looking up here, too. I’m about to teach my last class of the semester (woo hoooooo!), and I just returned from a much-needed trip (to Iowa!) with the owner of Ramona Bananapants. Those 32 jampacked hours included a speeding ticket (not my ticket), a minor car accident (not my car), a drive-thru cookie shop (I know, right?), and a great deal of fun.

AND it turns out the prairie is gorgeous and amazing. Who knew?

Click the mosaic to go to my Flickr photo set.

So … I’ve got a lot going on right now. Like … a lot. I’m physically healthy for the most part, which is good, but other than that, things are … well, pretty fucking crappy. And very, very busy, with no sign of letting up any time soon.

This is why I haven’t been reading, or commenting on, your blogs, or looking at your Flickr photos. Which, in turn, is why I haven’t been posting much here. It hardly seems fair to expect you kind folks to take time to read my blog when I haven’t been reading yours.

And I thought that would be cool. I thought, “hey, the knitblog community is totally rad, and they’re generous and understanding enough to get that sometimes shit’s just hard and that, even though the knitblogosphere is something that can totally sustain you in those times, it also tends to be one of the first things to get sacrificed.”

And I know this to be the case with most of ya’ll readers and friends. Because you’re awesome. But DAMN, were my feelings hurt when I got this anonymous comment:

“Your blog used to be a lot better. You never used to abandon it for months with no new knitting… and only a creepy diorama of an obscure X-Files episode. You should either commit or delete, my friend.”

Seriously? I mean, I thought that diorama was gonna hold folks over for a while. It’s pretty fucking sweet, after all.

But, now that I’ve dropped enough f-bombs to make me feel a bit less cranky, I guess I’ve been shamed/disciplined into providing knit-related content.

Please to enjoy these hats. I love you all.

Except whoever left that comment. That person can get bent.

for: Britney (gifted in December)
pattern: Koolhaas, by Jared Flood
yarn: Moda Dea Washable Wool in “Real Teal”
needles: US #7

for: Kate (the pretty lady in the picture)
pattern: Beret Gaufre, by Veronik Avery
yarn: Moda Dea Washable Wool in “Real Teal”
needles: US #3

Some people are inspired by holidays that are meaningful, or patriotic, or religious. Some people celebrate holidays that encourage charity, or fellowship, or piety. Some people get excited about giving handmade gifts, or cooking homemade meals for family and friends.

And that’s all fine, I guess.

But in my world, all those other occasions are just a way to mark the time until October 31 rolls around.

This year, I made an itty bitty costume for my wee niece Claire (who, I’m told, has recently begun to take some meals from a spoon instead of from my sister — go Claire!).

sweater pattern: improvised
yarn: Lion Brand Cotton Ease
hat pattern: Felted baby Yoda Hat, from Vera Sunshyne
yarn: Cascade 220

I mailed it off to New York last week. My sister, an accomplished craftster herself, sewed ribbons to the hat to keep it on, and pipe cleaners across the ears to keep them perky. My brother-in-law, a brilliant scientician and dyed-in-the-wool nerd, happened to have an infant-sized light saber. You know, just lying around.

For myself, I had to come up with something for a Big Lebowski-themed party, and with only $30 to spend. So what greater crafty challenge than Maude Lebowski’s golden viking valkyrie from The Dude’s drug-induced cinematic hallucination, Gutterball?

If you don’t care about how I put together this ridiculous get-up, please feel free to skip past the following text and just enjoy the grainy photos. But Megan requested a step-by-step, so here it is.

First, I made a tube dress out of stretchy gold lycra (NOTE: big box craft stores mark all their shiniest fabrics 70% off during the week before Halloween). I sewed on some wide straps, and added four tiers to the skirt. I backed the lycra with some heavyweight black interfacing before cutting out the skirt pieces, to give them more structure.

Then I found an armored breastplate meant for a child’s gladiator costume — I had to tear a bunch of plastic dragons and shit off it before spray painting it gold. I drilled 5 holes along each side of the plate, and one at the top of each shoulder, and used gold ribbon to lace it up the back.

Then I made the bowling-ball-bra, using a foam ball from the floral section of the craft store. I cut it in half, and used a broom handle to make three indentations in each half. Initially, I used spray paint, and the foam almost completely disintegrated — I was left with two shapeless blobs of fizzing gold stinkiness. So I started over with a second ball (luckily, I’d bought a two-pack), and used regular gold craft paint and a foam brush.

I made a channel through each of the “cups” with a double-pointed steel knitting needle, and threaded a ribbon through, tying the ends together through holes I’d drilled in the breastplate.

Then I bought a $5 Viking helmet and spray painted it to match everything else. I also spray painted some old shoes (and sewed gold ribbons onto the ankles). And finally, I spray painted a devil’s pitchfork from the dollar store, which made quite a handy trident.

And I think that about covers it!

[click for bigger version]

To round out the scene, the party included The Dude in his coveralls, Saddam Hussein as the bowling alley attendant, and my friend Vanessa, who grazed the ceiling in her spectacular handmade foam headdress.

Vanessa is the kind of militantly DIY Halloweener who will create a realistic samurai costume from cardboard boxes and bamboo window shades. (Seriously. I couldn’t make that up.)

Girl takes Halloween so seriously that we’ve already started discussing next year’s party.

Just 364 days to go.