Flint Knits

Click “play” for optimum reading experience.

I can’t tell you why I created this craft project. I just woke up on Friday morning knowing that it had to happen. Nor can I explain why I’ve made a habit of investing stupid amounts of time and effort into what are essentially joke gifts. I cannot pin down the wacky impulse in my head that says “So-and-So is having a birthday? Obviously s/he needs a handmade gift that is neither useful nor desirable!”

What I can tell you is that, when I’m not knitting, I have a serious weakness for elaborate and useless crafts. There is no scrapbooking at my house. I will never sew an apron or weave a table runner. Instead, I might slave for 20 straight hours to create a Halloween costume that will only be worn once.

I can also tell you that I have very patient and good-humored friends, and that last night one of them was the recipient of an utterly ridiculous, totally useless birthday gift.

It’s a diorama.

Based on an episode of The X-Files called “Home.”

(Which is, along with being intensely creepy and unintentionally hilarious, one of the most fucked-up, pathologizing, mindlessly stereotypical representations you’ll see on TV of rural white people. I’m just saying.)

If you want the nuts-and-bolts details of how I made it, please read on. Otherwise, feel free to just pretend you never saw a thing, and I’ll post again soon with some pretty pictures of knitting.

Read the rest of this entry »

Monkey: We hereby dub thee … Ramona Bananapants.

First of all, it just rolls of the tongue, doesn’t it? Ramona Bananapants. Ramona Bananapants.

Second, it evokes a lovely kind of sexual/gender ambiguity: I mean, she’s Ramona! But she’s got a Banana in her Pants! (Take that, heteronormative gender fascists!) And, since Ramona lives on a queer grad student’s shelf where she regularly fondles (and, let’s be honest, humps) an ironically framed photo of Michel Foucault, it just seemed right.

Unfortunately, while Blogless Canadian Rebecca (yes, that’s her real name) chose the winning name, her entry came after the official deadline. SO, she is the proud winner of bragging rights and a small consolation prize.

The Woolgirl gift certificate will go to the runner up: the fabulous Heather, who suggested “Snatch” as a nod to Ramona’s vaginer-like countenance. As Ryan pointed out, sexually-themed names were clearly the way to go in this contest.

But don’t feel bad, Blogless Canadian Rebecca! I mean, no one remembers who got the crown when Vanessa Williams was robbed.

Thanks so, so much to everyone who entered those hilarious, adorable, thoughtful, and clever names. This was my favorite contest ever.

Oh, and I finished a pair of socks. Yeah, that’s right. A PAIR.

pattern: Nancy Bush’s Child’s First Sock in Shell Pattern, from Knitting Vintage Socks
yarn: Koigu Premium Merino, color #2504, from Yarnzilla
needles: 2.5mm Addi circulars

modifications: skipped 1 pattern repeat; substituted eye of partridge heel + wedge toe.

If you’re a sock knitter who hasn’t made this pattern yet, Do It. It was one of the most satisfying sock-knitting experiences I’ve ever had. That might have something to do with the yarn, though — semi-solid Koigu has never let me down.

And I only waited 8 months in between the two socks! (Laura is my sister in this — see her salty recipe for how to defeat Second Sock Syndrome. Or check out Megan’s strategy for embracing it.)

Happy Hump Day, all! I’m going to go spend mine with Ramona and Michel.
If you know what I mean.
(Know what I mean?)

I crafted (instead of just buyin’)
a gift for my awesome friend Ryan.
But what did I make?
A bird, or a snake?
or a hippo? or penguin? or lion?

Though Ryan’s a dreadful pool-shooter,
he couldn’t be smarter or cuter.
But to my dismay,
he lives far away,
so we chat a lot on the computer.

And on G-Chat’s weird smiley-designer
there’s a monkey! Oh, what could be finer?
(Though, once it’s assembled,
it also resembles
a hamburger or a vaginer.)

(seriously. if you use gchat, try it.) :(|)

So yarn and some beads (two the same)
and stuffing and beans soon became
this birthday gift of
a monkey to love.
Now won’t someone give it a name?

No monkey deserves this position,
to suffer this name-less condition.
No more can we stall it!
But what shall we call it?
Please enter a contest submission.

Only one entry per knitter:
a name that will fit him (or fit her).
Then Ryan will choose
which handle to use
as the one he bestows on the critter.

Deadline: 11:59pm Eastern Time on Monday, March 17.
The winner will receive a $20 Wool Girl gift certificate.
Bring on the names!

pattern: Crocheted Monkey by ChimuChimu
yarn: Lana Grossa Meilenweit 50 Cotton, with pink Koigu KPM scraps

For Minty’s 30th birthday, back in November, I offered to make her a shirt. Since she’s a pretty conservative dresser, she requested something slightly outside her comfort zone.

At Superbuzzy, I found some beautiful Japanese cotton gauze in a bold-but-hopefully-not-flashy print, and got to work.

pattern: Simplicity 4077 (again)
fabric: Nani Iro, by Naomi Ito, “Fuccra Flowers” in steel blue

The biggest challenge was that the fabric is laid out like a painting, rather than an allover print. I mean, there is a repeated print, but it only repeats every 3 feet or some such thing. So cutting the fabric in a way that worked with the pattern was no easy feat (especially considering that I’d bought the bare minimum yardage).

Otherwise, this is much like other blouses I’ve made from the same pattern. Simple design, modern fit, button placket, etc.

I used the 3/4 sleeve version this time, with pleats and open cuffs …

… and placed the buttons in pairs down the front.
It fits perfectly, and Minty looks fab. Success!
Happy (belated) Birthday, hon!

After spending the last couple of weeks exhausted and ill with pneumonia (I cannot overemphasize the exhausted — as in sleeping 16 hours a day), I was thrilled to get out of the Minnesota winter for a weekend. New York isn’t exactly tropical this time of year, but there’s a remarkable difference between 30-above and 30-below.

I arrived in NYC on Valentine’s Day and discovered that it’s Minty’s favorite holiday. And I mean Favorite Holiday. Like, ever. In a crazy, wild-eyed-yet-eerily-focused, single-minded, heart-shaped kind of way that is simultaneously (1) charming and (2) utterly terrifying. She approaches the big V the way I approach Halloween: with Intensity.

Do you see the concentration on her face? It is intense and total! She’s done a lovely job of documenting her own obsessive, fascist way of celebrating VD. What she can’t really express in her post is how completely won over I was, and how much FUN I had!

Because Minty’s enthusiasm? Totally infectious (even for a cynic like me, who thinks the Official celebration of Romance is an oppressive tool for sentimentalizing the patriarchal regulation of heteronormative monogamy in order to make marriage palatable for white middle class women so they will make babies for the Nation). But it’s HEART-SHAPED!!

Needless to say, Minty was the best Valentine’s Day date EVER, and I had the best VDay ever, staying up half the night to decorate cookies and make heart-shaped miso-glazed tofu. Have I mentioned that Minty is teh awesome?

And the next day, I met John, who took me to lunch in what was definitely one of the highlights of my weekend.

You know how he seems so smart and sassy and sexy on the blog? That’s not the half of it. We talked nonstop about all manner of things, most of which aren’t appropriate for even this knitting blog. And, with minimal pestering on my part, he gamely took this dorky photo of us in Union Square wearing our matching Frivol hats. *Love*

Later, Minty and I met up with some of the Spiders (Connie, Jess, Lisa, Marie, Veronique, and Virginia) at The Point where not only did I completely forget to take pictures, but I also LEFT MY BRAND NEW CAMERA BEHIND. Jess had to chase me out the door with it. Thanks, ladies, for letting me come hang out, and a big See-You-Next-Time to Ms. Gleek, Ms. Schrodinger, Jessica, Katy (congrats!), and especially Sandra.

That gathering was followed by a wonderful dinner with Veronique, who was wearing a version of her lovely and recently-published sweater design and who, like Minty’s take on Valentine’s Day, immediately won me over with her wit, intelligence, thoughtfulness, and style. (Plus, she was knitting on a Marigold sock!) If you aren’t a Tres Chic reader, you should be.

This was was followed by a wonderful Saturday with Minty, visiting the Met…

… and hanging out in our PJs and leaving silly voice mails for Ashley, and generally not feeling like this was only the third time we’d met in person.

I am still catching up on the 1300+ blog posts that have amassed during my illness and absence. This means many of you will probably be getting comments from me on, like, your last 10 posts.

And now please enjoy the following preview of my next post, which will hopefully appear relatively soon (i.e. not after what’s become a now-standard 2+ week interim) and will definitely feature the belated birthday gift I gave Minty: