To Whom it May Concern:
If you found a digital camera in the fabric section of the Courtland Center JoAnn store in Flint, Michigan, please let me know. Also, you might NOT want to look at the photos stored on the camera, as they include dozens of snapshots from the last several days on the road with my lover’s rock band.
Those photos might, for instance, feature myself and members of said rock band humping a giant stuffed Santa Claus on the dirty floor of a venue called “The Fortress of Solid Dudes.” Don’t ask.
I’d especially like to have my camera today, since it’s my 29th birthday, and I want to take pictures of the celebration tonight. And I have a finished Baby Surprise Jacket and another ’surprise’ finished craft project that I’d like to share with my online friends. (Yes, my online friends — who are kind enough to judge me by my crafty deeds, and not by any embarrassing photos they might find on my digital camera… including those that may involve toilets, Red Bull, and/or horse drawn carriages. Don’t ask.)
So, yeah. Please return the camera. It’s my birthday, after all.